Chicken Rules Everything Around Me

I try to say this prayer before hitting ANY stage (no particular order)

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for another opportunity to show the talents and skills given me
Let your light and your talents shine through me
Use me as your vessel
Please get me to this show perfectly on time and travel home safely
Let the crowd enjoy me
Let me enjoy the crowd
Let good things come from this show
GOD THANK YOU
.. for what you have done for me
…what you are doing for me
…what you have planned for me
Help me to remain humble and be worthy of your gifts
Guide my steps along your path
GOD please watch over those I know and those I don’t
AMEN

QUESTIONS: “What are some essential items that one must or one should keep in the trunk of the car”  ..i began thinking of different answers. I had some but  I decided to ask this of my Facebook friends and some of their responses are definitely interesting to say the least..

At this point many friends opinions varied by what their focus was. Some thought about being safe Chipp Jones said first aid, Angie and Angela said flat tire and blankets, and Veronica said an umbrella. Kevin said an ice scraper, a snow brush, and some jumper cables. Some mentioned items they would need for day to day activities such as car cleaning supplies and basketball shoes mentioned by Matthew Brown and gear for whatever sport you play from James. My cousin plays golf (how well IDK) so OF COURSE he said a nine iron+friends

Some friends believe that you always should have items prepared for adult late night encounters in your trunk. You never know when Mr/Miss Right is out of town but Mr/Miss Right NOW is sitting down right beside you at the bar. A couple of ladies who will remain nameless said to carry a overnight bag if you think you may not stay at home ..and make sure to tell them “my name is Ms. Jackson if you nasty”  Brother Beezy said to definitely keep some Jimmy hats in the trunk, proving that fellas also have the possibility of a rug burn experience occurring on their minds as well.  It appears that the females however care about next day appearance more than men by being proactive against being seen in an instant replay outfit (Men realize that if we have the same thing on that we were wearing the day before and you inquire why, the response “I haven’t been home since last night” is an EXCELLENT one)


Keeping in mind that the question was what items should you always have in your trunk many responses showed a tendency for a certain topic. Angie, Kimberly, and Matthew all said to keep bats or golf clubs in the trunk. None of them play baseball or golf AT ALL! Pat says a tire iron (for tire changing and negotiating) Zina says bring the heat, Lawrence said the burner, and Jeffrey said a choppa. I hope Z’s referring to high temperatures, L is a pyromaniac and J plan’s to bring Mr Miyagi or Jackie Chan. I hope these FB friends of mine don’t have road rage ..or have bail money.

AND THEN there were a couple responses that were JUST plain ole crazy. Kevin said a cooler with drinks and the cell phone your girl doesn’t know about which tells you A LOT about him. Stuff that you don’t want to share with the officers of the law was said by one who will remain nameless (possible warrants) Chip Jones said to keep a shovel which caused me to mentally refer to Kanye West’s “Flashing Light’s” video and Joe Pesci in the movie “Goodfellas”  My guess is that shovel isn’t for digging snow, but for digging holes in the dessert. Kevin Thorn had to send 3 posts to get his message (the weirdest message ever) across..

QUESTION:QUESTIONS: “What are some essential items that one must or one should keep in the trunk of the car” 

Kevin: My 2 year old
Kevin: Sorry that was cut off. My 2 year old daughter
Kevin: Damnit cut off again. My 2 year old daughter’s stroller

H I L A R I O U S

and the funniest response came from Kelly (male)

..junk

(I don’t want to keep junk in my trunk and doubt any of my other male friends wish to keep junk in their trunks)

The group of young people I work with this summer run a car wash on Fridays in the parking lot of McDonalds. In preparing for this car wash I walked over to the McDonalds before the kids got there to set up. As I prepare soapy water I notice a car with the following set up..

Drivers side: Light skinned Dread dude (cause he had locs)
Passenger side: Girl
Rear Drivers Side: Toddler
Rear Passenger SIde: DSD (Dark skinned dude)

While in the drive thru they are having a conversation in a car with the windows down but the conversation is rather loud regardless. They pull up and place their order and as they approach Window #1 to pay for their order suddenly DSD gets out and approaches Girl’s door aggressively yelling/asking “so this HIS baby?? SO THIS HIS BABY???” referring to the driver Dread dude. Girl quickly was grasped around the throat by DSD ie. DSD started to choke her out.

AT this point here were my thoughts in chronoligcal order..
“Damn that’s fu__ed up!”
“I SHOULD go get DSD off of her”
“I SHOULD mind my damn business”
“IS that HIS baby??”
“I should be taping this”
“Why is she looking ME in the face?”

At this point Dread dude gets out of the drivers side and responds “YEAH THAT’S MY BABY!!” and begins to walk towards the DSD who immediately releases the tight grasp and moves his attention to the Dread dude. They begin to argue/talk sh_t and DSD (I think) says “I’ll slap the s_it out of you” and proceeds to try. At this point Girl is attempting to get in the middle of the two men trying to persuade them to not fight with statements like “They are gonna call the cops!” While doing her best Maury security guard rendition she looked ME in the face with a “You gonna help?” look.

AT this point here were my thoughts in chronoligcal order..
“I SHOULD help”
“I SHOULD should mind my damn business”
“Why is she looking ME in the face again?”
(at this point she and I are having a Professor X from X-Men type conversation)
“you RODE here WITH these two dudes”
“I’m NOT about to get hit with an inadvertent punch or elbow”
“both of these dudes are bigger than ME”
“I’m not gonna rob you of the lesson you might need to learn here”
“IS that HIS baby??”
“I should be taping this”

After a couple of seconds of threats she was pushed aside and the two squared off and began to exchange facial blows. Girl then runs over to tend to her now crying baby. The two men have now grabbed each other and are now tussling on the hood of the car behind them in the drive thru and begin to roll over onto the ground on the other side of the person’s car (out of sight but still fighting) At this point the car is sitting idle stopping the drive thru line, one car has had a fight on their hood, the line is backed up, and other people are approaching. Girl is now trying to separate the two would be baby daddy’s presently fighting in the dirt in the drive thru line at McDonalds ..what’s the slogan “I’m Loving it”

AT this point here were my thoughts in chronoligcal order..
“The baby don’t need to SEE THIS” -Ice Cube on Boyz in the Hood
“I SHOULD mind my damn business”
“you RODE here WITH these two dudes”
“I wish I could see”
“I wonder who’s winning?”
“IS that HIS baby??”
“I should be taping this”
“I should call the police”
“I DEFINITELY should be taping this”

By this point people in the car (NOT ME), people walking up (NOT ME), and some of the McDonald’s employees who noticed the backed up drive thru line who have come out with management, have come outside and are now separating the two combatants (NOT ME). With them now emerging from behind the car and now in sight, Dread dude now has “new” lumps and bleeding scars and DSD now has a bloody pair of “fronts” and both are eager for Round WHATEVER this is in their minds and are exchanging threats and continuing to square up with each other. The people who were gracious enough to break it up (NOT ME) realize thy cannot just walk away with “good deed” done because the festivities will commence without ceasing if they do ..but at the same time their facial expression and body motions display that they aren’t dedicated to the cause of stopping this fight to the point where they would risk THEIR safety. Dread dude shouted “You gonna grab my hair like a BITCH” “You know what’s next” followed by gun shot hand gestures. The two exchange threats and DSD walks off as Girl+Dread dude+Toddler drive off as well..


AT this point here were my thoughts in chronoligcal order..
“IS that HIS baby??”
“I DEFINITELY should have been taping this”
“I wonder did they get their food?”
“Their is some cursing going on in THAT car!”
“I wish someone else was here to see THAT” (Someone that I know I mean)
“Witnessing THIS type stuff keeps me doing stand up comedy”
“WAIT TILL I GET TO FB …they’re not gonna BELIEVE THIS ONE”






-They should have just had a Wild Berry smoothie and chilled-